COVINGTON, LA.--Nobody was home at the house I went to enumerate, so policy requires us to try and get the information by finding a proxy, like a neighbor, and we have to go to three proxies before we give up.
So I went to the first proxy house and there was no answer. I went to the second house, and I notice immediately there is a huge Trump flag flying out front. It's a nice big house in a really nice area. So I knock on the door, and this man opens it and before I can say anything about being with the U.S. Census Bureau he says, "I don't want to have anything to do with you, get off my property.''
And I say, "Immediately, sir." And I went back to my car. And now I'm sitting in my car--I was driving an SUV--typing on my device information about how I got nothing from the second proxy. And as I'm sitting there in the driver's seat of my car, and the door of my car is open, and I'm across the street from this Trump guy's house, in a cul-de-sac, and I hear, "Hey, what the fuck are you doing?"
It was the guy from the Trump house. And he walks up to my car and boxes me in by standing in the doorway and putting one hand on the door and the other on my car. I'm not a tall guy and he was a little taller than me, and kind of muscular; in his mid-thirties maybe. So I started to explain to him I was with the U.S. Census Bureau, but he interrupts with, "I don't care, what the fuck are you doing?"
So I tell him, "Sir, every ten years we collect information..."
"What information?''
He has no idea at all what the census is or what it does, and I found this was the case with a lot of people. So I start with "Well, we get the names of people, the number of people in the household...''
"What the hell you mean you're collecting names? What do you need names for?"
Now he's still got me boxed in my car, and still has his hands blocking any chance of escape. He's not leaving. And at this point I notice he has an NRA shirt on, which told me he may or may not have a gun.
And he says, "You don't need to collect people's names, this is insanity. Look I'm going to ask you this question again,'' (and here he closes his eyes and says it through his teeth), ''and you better, you better fucking answer honestly. What are you doing?"
That's when the terror of the moment connected, and I feel my neck and chest tighten and my heart rate and blood pressure start to increase. I feel the nervousness kicking in. And I say to myself, Don't show this guy you feel threatened. Make it all seem like a misunderstanding.
So I say, ''Sir, I'm working with the U.S. Census Bureau, headed by the United States Dept. of Commerce, to conduct the 2020 United States Census.'' I keep repeating the United States. He is a Trump supporter, and I thought maybe he's political and by just repeating the United States, that I was working with the United States, it might ring with him and have some sort of effect.
So he's just staring at me, and he says, "Look, are you a Trump supporter?"
Now he's looking at me like this is the most dead, serious question he's ever asked anybody. And no, I'm not a Trump supporter. I'm very much not a Trump supporter.
But here's what I say: "Hell yeah, I'm on that Trump train 2020. I'm glad you asked, because what the Democrats are doing to this country is tearing the moral fabric of the country apart," and I went on and on.
Suddenly the thick-in-the air tension leaves immediately, and he smiles at me and puts his fist up for a fist bump, which I didn't want to do because we're in the middle of the pandemic. And when I see that this works and that I'm like fucking golden right now, I keep it up. I watch a lot of political commentary and I know what Trump supporters think so I just kept going. And when I get nervous I ramble.
Now look, I know that not all Trump supporters are insane people. I can disagree with their politics, but I'm not right about everything, and in the grand scheme of things I don't know anything. And so just because someone is a Trump supporter doesn't mean they're nuts. It may only mean that I might disagree with some of their views on things right now. And I'm thinking this because I know THAT'S NOT THE GUY I'M TALKING TO.
I'm not talking to someone I could sit down and have a reasonable conversation with. This is a nuts person who happens to be wearing an NRA shirt flying a huge Trump flag, has this aggressive tendency to come up to me and corner me, and doesn't know what the U.S. Census is.
I could have let the conversation end and let him take the lead, but I'm still rambling. I go on with more and say, "Look, when Trump is elected president again, I'm gonna drink that tall glass of liberal tears, my friend.'' And this guy is loving it.
So I get out of my car as the guy is walking away, and I still have to go to the third house in the cul-de-sac because the job requires that you try three proxies to get information. So as much as I wanted to get out of there, I was feeling titillated because here this guy was going to pull me out of my car and kick my ass in the street and I talked myself out of that. I'm kinda having fun.
I tell him, I enjoyed my conversation with you sir. Here's to Trump being president for four more years.
And he comes up and fucking hugs me.
Not comfortable with that.
--BJ